Body parts and evil backs

These days, I keep getting quite funny back pains and because we have a history of back injuries in the family one minor and one is severe (Khalid and His dad) I was hit with a panic attack ! Thinking oh god I am getting an operation on my back ! :D

You see, we all think that the various parts of our bodies are all on the same team. Not true. Your back, for example, hates your guts. yes it does !

The way you can tell that your back is evil is that it never warns you when it’s about to give you a painful, life altering sprain that will make you envy the dead, especially those with good backs.

Your back accumulates and stores slight injustices in the same way a camel’s hump stores water. Then your treacherous back watches and waits for the right opportunity to strike.

If you have ever had a severe back sprain, you can answer the following quiz with no problem. Which activity is most likely to result in the worst back pain of your life?

A. Skiing to outrace that good looking chick.
B. Lifting a car to save a baby
C. Kickboxing competition
D. Bending over to pick up a piece of Pringles you spit out while laughing at your own joke

The last thing that your back wants is for you to have an excellent story to divert you of some of your discomfort. Your back will not be happy until you are not only painfully weak but also a pathetic boring person in the eyes of others.

Other Person: “So, how did you end up in the full body cast?”

You: “Well, it’s a funny story. I was tying my shoe.”

Men are defective women !

From what I've gathered from my friendships with the opposite gender, previous relationships and the stories I hear from my married mates, I came to a certain conclusion ! We men generally believe that we are “different” from women "erm well done Freud", whereas women generally believe that us men are “defective” women.

Most gender related differences seems to be due to us males preferring to categorize thoughts while women think everything is somehow connected. Here are some phrases you will NEVER hear from women:

“I didn’t wrap your present because you’d just throw away the wrapping anyway.”

“Let’s skip Valentine’s Day this year so we don’t miss Prison Break.”

“Mohammed just died? Huh. What’s for dinner?”

No guy would ever say those things around a women either, but not because he isn’t thinking them. We guys have learned how to blend in and talk like women when it’s necessary. It feels like being a German spy during World War II and you’re always worried someone will ask you a question about the Americans.

If you’re male you have to do a lot of internal editing before you let anything come out of your mouth. The best way to filter is to ask yourself how a woman would react to what you’re about to say. Here’s a little test to see if you know how this works.

Suppose a male sees a car that’s an ugly green "Like the Honda CRXs over here" and he goes “That is one ugly car!” to his friend. Now, match the friend’s gender with the most likely response:

A. “Holy $%#*&, that color is just wrong for a car.”

B. Silence, while thinking “He hates my green sweater.”